Fight like a Christian

Matt 18: 15-20

I am skipping ahead to Sunday’s Gospel today, because as I was reading and prepping today it slapped me in face.  As Christians, we’ve lost the ability/understanding of how to disagree in a Godly manner.  We become a house divided instead of a unified voice of the love Jesus to the world.  In other words, we handle our problems like the world does, which makes us no different, and that my friends isn’t what we are called to do.  Let’s take a look at what the Gospel says, how it plays out in the world, and how the Gospel can live with us now. 

How we handle arguments/fights in the world:

Let’s pretend for a moment that Steve owes you 500 dollars.  You have an agreement on repayment (he’s going to pay you back when he get’s paid next week).  Next week comes and instead of paying you back you see him blow his money on something you consider frivolous.  (When someone owes you money often everything except your debt seems frivolous.)  Now, as the world handles this, instead of going to Steve, in love and concern, because he’s sinned against us, we go to Sally and we complain about Steve.  We tell Sally what Steve did, did not do, and what we think about that.  That isn’t enough though, when we see Tom we casually bring it up too, and we might even add some colorful language and detail.  At this point, we start to have some dark fun guessing at his other bad habits, and bring up that thing he did in 1998 to us, and figure we should have seen this coming.  Maybe we even go to social media and make some passive aggressive post about how you figure you can trust friends, and the bitterness of pain it causes when that trust is broken.  We might throw in a quote from Rumi or Ram Dass, as a way to show everyone how we are transcending the low treatment we’ve received.  Anyway, before you know it, Steve hears from Shelia that we have a beef, and much like the telephone game we used to play in school where things get distorted with exaggerated he hears a semblance of the story, and begins his counter attack.  So it goes, ad infinitum, until not only are we not friends we are enemies. We’ve lost a friend. We aren’t getting paid back. And we ourselves have gone from person who was wronged to active sinner. 

That sounds about par for the course, doesn’t it?  You don’t have to look very far in our modern age to see that story played out in a thousand ways, over ten thousand things, every hour of every day in every venue.  Religion, politics, lunch, parenting, friendships, marriages, animal care, elder care, every single possible combination in ways that not even I have the imagination to reproduce here.  We have made an art of this kind of behavior. 

Let’s take a look at how we are supposed to handle things and why. 

15"If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' 17If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

In the above scripture, we have what we are supposed to do.  We go to the person who has wronged us privately, one on one.  Why?  Well, when we approach the person who has wronged us we allow both parties the dignity of privacy.  We get to hear their side of the story, and work out an accord with them, without any public airing of the grievances.  It goes on to say, if they listen (and we listen) then we’ve won a brother or sister.  In other words, we have shown them that we are straight forward, respectful, and acting in love for them (not just ourselves).

If they don’t listen, we take one or two others.  These people are witnesses, not only to the discussion we have, but to the actions we take.  We have our cards on the table, open for all to see.  They can support our claims, and make sure we aren’t getting out of hand.  In some venues, we call this an intervention.  It’s done when someone is harming themselves, and they need a harsh light cast on the behavior in order that they might begin the healing process.  It’s an act of love.  At this point the sin your brother or sister committed against you, since they weren’t open to amends, may be a symptom of a bigger issue in their life. 

If they don’t budge on that, then we take it to the Church.  We go to our priest or pastor, who then can advise us on our next step.  If none of this works, then we are to walk away.  Drop it, and leave, not speaking about it or them. 

The interesting part of this is the Jewish laws and customs of the time about the “Goy” (gentile) was such that it forbade partnerships/commerce with those who worship of pagan idols. (Mishnah Avodah Zarah 1:1).  There is a load more about the restrictions and responsibilities in that vein, but the crux of it is that it doesn’t release us from the responsibility of behaving properly toward them, but it is a cutting of a deeper fellowship. 

It’s just some food for thought on the charge we have to behave as we should, even when we have been wronged, as we learn to forgive not just seven times, but seven times seventy.

Heavenly Father, please grant me the grace to handle the people who have wronged me in the honorable and Godly way that is your will.  In Jesus’ precious name, AMEN

Here I am, Lord, send me!

Lisa Brandel